According to an official announcement on vocalist Hitomi‘s blog, Moran‘s drummer Soan, who has been working with Hitomi since their days in Fatima, will be departing the band some time next year. At that point, Moran will go on a hiatus. All of Moran’s upcoming activities, as scheduled, will proceed according to plan.
Just past midnight on August 12th, Soan took to his Twitter and, in a series of impassioned tweets, explained his reasons for leaving. Soan candidly laid out his emotions and insecurities, stating that it was his resolve to distance himself from Moran by this time next year.
[Aug 12 02:12 JST] As Soan, I will be leaving Moran next year.
I want to be able to say it’s without regret, but when I think of certain members, when I think of everybody else, it’s agonizing.
So I’m determined to get ahead of such thoughts whenever they take the lead. It’s frustrating. It’s agonizing.
Zill, I’m so sorry.
I’m even more sorry if it sounds like I’m using you
[Aug 12 02:10 JST] I don’t want anybody thinking that I’m lying, so I’m making the announcement like this.
I will put all the songs and the memories in the past and separate myself from the members.
Maybe around this time next year.
Have the other members thought about this? Have they not thought about this? I don’t know.
But now, using this kind of [social media] tool, I want to make a declaration.
Everyone, please don’t give in.
[Aug 12 01:54 JST] Maybe I’m just running away.
I will finish with the live house schedule within a year. After I’ve done that, I will be faithful to my commitment and beat down the scene.
I wanted to conquer it with the members and everybody else.
I thought we’d do it through the tour.
It won’t get through to the members if I don’t say this much honestly.
[Aug 12 1:00 JST] I want somebody to listen
I’m scared of
the reality that appears even in my dreams
Precisely because I am able use a tool like this, I bare my worst attributes.
That, too, is one of my worst and most spoiled features.
Maybe I’ve tired of supporting from behind.
I understand everything
I understand it, and maybe I’m thinking I want to put an end to it all
I won’t forget the gratitude I have towards everybody.
[Aug 12 00:54 JST] I’m scared I’m becoming someone who cannot feel [passion towards] their job or a sense of purpose.
I’m scared I’m becoming unnecessary.
I act strong, but I noticed that around me, I only had close friends who saw the reality.
I want to be strong-willed enough to relieve everybody’s anxieties with sound.
Surely I must be drowning in my own busy self.
Can I face that?
[Aug 12 00:49 JST] Can I trust what’s left of my body with everything?
I dream hundreds of dreams while I sleep, [when] only 40 minutes have passed.
This body dreads going on tour.
The me that’s looking to the future and the me that’s facing reality.
For the first time in a long time, I’m scared to go home…
My weak self. This is reality.
The me whose purpose in life is to charm dreams, and yet has indulged in such sorrow.
Via @Moran_Soan on Aug 12, 2014, 00:49-02:12 JST
Translated by jazz.
Later, in the wee hours of the morning, Soan collected his thoughts and updated his Ameblog with the following message, where he continued to open his heart about how he feels about his role as a musician and as a member of Moran. Though he apologized for his brusque and seemingly hasty decision, he repeatedly made reference to “reaching his limit,” suggesting this is the culmination of prolonged friction that has finally worn him out.
Fighting with my ego, day after day
Now you all know that my times left onstage as Soan of Moran are numbered.
I’m sorry I can’t be more specific than to say I have until about this time next year.
There are just a few things beyond what’s on my official schedule that I’d like to see through to the end before I’m done, is why.
I was determined to thoroughly explain my personal limits to the members before revealing it to everybody else like this
And I know it will look like a preemptive strike and a sign of discord to just announce it on the internet like this, so allow me to offer an excuse.
I’ve thoroughly revealed [my intentions] to the other members in meetings and the like, but I think that announcing it like this lets my true voice come through.
I never once told Ivy and Vivi to try and understand how Zill felt; I never told anyone to understand.
I’m not telling anyone to understand now.
I just want to make sure people hear what I have to say. Egotistical as it may be.
There will be people who think, “but this is something that involves everybody,” but I’ve reached the limit of what I can do.
I made a demo before the tour that shows how I needed to tell everyone that I’d hit my limit. It had a “thanks for everything until now, and goodbye” kind of concept to it. A very heartfelt ballad. I wonder if I’ll be able to release it? Not sure, but for now, here’s what I have planned for the future:
9/21: Akasaka Blitz
October onward: one-man tour
Next March: Tokyo/Nagoya/Osaka anniversary one-man tour
Summer: finish one-man without giving in and getting involved in other events
That’s my dream path, and those are the signposts I’ll follow for it.
Wonder how it’ll turn out when I talk to the other members about it? Not sure.
As for the other members’ perspective–I wonder how many times they’ve thought, “this guy’s been indispensable to Moran. But if he’s been thinking of leaving, has he really been taking the band seriously?”
This isn’t just laziness
It’s not just a rut
I want to see some real results.
I came to this conclusion precisely because of how important Moran is to me.
I just hope all that comes across.
There’s not a shred of intention in my head to belittle or gossip about the other members.
How seriously do the members actually take each other?
Why do they just take each other’s presence for granted every day?
I guess there’s no helping it in the case of my hungry ego, but…
is there anyone who can go through life without feeling the need to be rewarded now and then?
People who don’t have any money, who are busy, who want to do nothing but dream and chase dreams
That’s not how I want to be.
At the very least, I don’t want to forget what it was like to face the world in order to show everyone my dreams.
Who can fight with reality? Who looks into reality in order to show their dreams?
Me, I guess. Not everyone.
If we don’t face reality down, we can’t make anything.
I guess this is just me being an egotistical drummer and an idealist, but I think in a band, everyone has to work together and raise each other up.
I wanted to make an atmosphere where we did just that.
Maybe this is all just my ego talking.
I was writing this toward morning and I think I’ve gone around in a circle.
Some people might take this as pointless complaining, but…
I’m just one man.
I can’t just turn off my heart.
My limit is here, so it’s time for us to try rolling the dice.
Anyway, sorry to abuse [my position] like this.
Translated by Adventure Tim
In response to the announcement, Hitomi posted the following official message on his blog:
An Important Announcement from Moran
Thank you for your ongoing support of Moran.
At this time, all of us in Moran would like to extend our deepest apologies for any distress we have caused our fans.
On first getting word from Soan that he wanted to retire, we all spoke together at length, wanting to be sure of everyone’s thoughts on the matter. We found that it wasn’t just Soan who had worries about the state of things, and decided it would be best to put band activities on temporary hold, so that we could sort out our feelings.
Now we’ve come to a decision based on our desire, both as a band and as individuals, to resolve everyone’s worries as best as possible.
We’ve found our confidence again, and we hope you can be understanding as we push on towards a brighter future for Moran.
With regard to the specifics of our hiatus, we can’t give a detailed timeframe at the moment, but will follow up with further information in days to come.
We still plan to bring everything we’ve got to our currently scheduled lives and in-store events until all our fans are satisfied, so we hope we can keep counting on you for support.
From all members of Moran
Translated by Adventure Tim.
So far, there has been no announcement on the official homepage because Moran’s homepage is down. More than likely the domain has expired and nobody has caught wind of it in the momentary chaos, but this is little comfort to fans who are anxious about the present and future state of Moran.
There have long been rumors within the fanbase, especially prominent on the seedier sides of the Internet, that there was animosity within Moran, with particular concentration on the reportedly volatile relationship between Hitomi and Soan. Whether or not Soan’s departure is proof that this tension existed and finally erupted, fans will surely read into it and interpret it as confirmation of that gossip.
Unfortunately, this kind of speculation could spell trouble for Moran’s future popularity. As if losing a drummer isn’t enough, Moran may now have an image problem on their hands.
We’ll be on the lookout for more details of Soan’s departure, especially with regards to Moran’s upcoming hiatus, and we’ll remain optimistic for their return. Fans can at least rest assured that the activities already on Moran’s schedule will continue as planned, as will some number of tentative activities through next summer, so you won’t be left completely hung out to dry.